Is This About Union?

*Is This About Union?*

*Is This About Union?*

In all of the relationships that I have been I have always found myself over compensating at the beginning, I would show my prowess in the kitchen, I would show extra attention to my partner and I did everything possible to impress them and get the validation that I want it from them, at that point in time I wasn't really aware that I was still looking for validation from external sources!

I realized later that I created a behavior that wasn't sustainable, my partner would completely rely on me and expected things to be done by me, now this is pure speculation but I think that their thought was that I liked to do it so they wouldn't do it themselves leaving me doing most of the work, now I live in a house, so at the moment I need a Roommate as the rent is really high, and I took upon me to constantly buy what is needed for the house, redecorating, cleaning and keeping the house as I like it, therefore the roommate decided that I love to do it and decide not to do any cleaning or taking care of the house, you see in our society most have a myopic way of seeing things, most people tend to think in very simplistic way such as , he or she loves to do that so I will let them do what they love, now don't get me wrong, there are those who get upset if you do what they like to do

So the thing that you need to make clear from the beginning of any relationship that you love to do certain things or that you like to keep things a certain way and that they are welcome to help you with it, you see, this might seem unimportant to some, but as this occurs more and more, it could mean the undoing of the relationship because it makes the person feel unseen, overlooked and taken for granted

But who is the victim here? The one that is not intellectually understanding the other one's position, because they, let's face it have a very limited self-awareness and therefore they think honestly that you love doing it all and they don't want to disrupt it!

So there is no need to villainize someone who doesn't have the intellectual capacity to understand why you do what you do and doesn't want to disturb the flow or the peace

It is time for us to be completely open and say for example, I like to clean because it is therapeutic for me, but if I don't do it, please feel free to do it too to help me out, and of course you can do it with other duties as well, but from the beginning you need to make things clear as expecting it from the other party will surely lead you into disappointment. Most of the time we ourselves create our own disappointments because in the pursuit of being seen as perfect we Pigeon hole ourselves into situations we can't get out of, and it is time that we understand that this situations are of our own making

And remember that this applies to work as well, when we have the inability to ask for more help, to ask our boss for a new hire to help you with the tons of work that you have, but you have probed to them that you can do it all on your own because you wanted to impress them, you find yourself in that same situation

Learn to speak your wants and needs and once and for all confront the fear of disappointing others! If you don't, you will be a prisoner to a reality that you created for yourself!

I love you so much!

-Ariel Vega